Death's Doorstep

I am on death's doorstep.

I was sick Wednesday with stomach issues and they have come back a
million times worse. I woke up this morning sick, but dragged myself
out of bed to help ben and Allen move. With as sick as I was, i'm not
sure I was much help. I left because I could feel myself getting worse
and I was miserable with the heat being as bad as it was. So I stopped
by the store and picked up 4 bottles of Gatorade and then went back to
my apartment and passed out for 3 hours. I felt a little better after
that.

But now it's 3:45 in the morning. The stomach issues are worse begging
the question "how can there be anything left in there?" I'm
alternately so cold I feel I'll never get warm and so hot that I sweat
through my clothes.

If doctors still made house calls I'd make one come see me. I want to
call my mom and cry. But even if it weren't 6:45 in the morning there,
she still wouldn't be able to actually do anything.

I just want some sleep but instead I've been lying in bed shivering
and sweating. And I can feel another migraine coming on. This is the
worst weekend.

My new great idea.

Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg did a fantastic job making a serious spoof
of a zombie movie (Shawn of the Dead.)

Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg did an even better job making a serious
spoof of a cop movie (Hot Fuzz.)

Next up they need to make a serious spoof of a disaster movie. If Hot
Fuzz is the end of their collaborative efforts I'll be upset.

For anyone who hasn't seen Hot Fuzz,
You should. It gets better every time you watch it. It's so well
crafted, written and filmed. And it's hilarious.

So if I ever run in to Simon Pegg (I don't know what Edgar Wright
looks like) or Nick Frost (because no Wright/Penn movie would be
complete without him) I'm going to propose it to him.

Reading

I was reading (While you are engulfed in flames) while eating lunch
today and someone asked me how many books I read per year. That's a
hard question to answer. I hesitate to count anything I re-read in
that count. I'd hate to count trash like a janet evanovich book or a
queen/princess in distress historical novel. And this year if you
factor in that it took me 3 months to finish War and Peace, I bet I'll
probably clear 20 new, worthwhile books in 2008.

I think that's pathetic. But then I have to remind myself, "hey,
you're still way ahead of the average American and B you've read War
and Peace."

If you factor in the junk and rereading stuff, I bet it's closer to 60
books a year. I think maybe I should try to sway the percentages of
junk v good in the other direction, but sometimes it's just good to
clear your brain.

September

September is going to be great.

1- new Ricky Gervais podcast
2- new Ricky Gervais movie Ghostown
3- the return of The Office
4- the return of Chuck
5- the return of Bones
6- the return of 30 Rock

And the #1 reason September is going to rule is that I'll be living at
home again.

Okay- I'm not sure if all those TV shows will be back in September but
close enough. And living at home again will be great. I miss my bed. I
miss my clothes (having all of them and not just what I've packed.) I
am so tired of pet hair. And living on a dog's schedule. My allergies
are insane right now. I miss my computer, little that it works.
September I might actually buy a new MacBook.

Preview of why October will be great - the Wordy Shipmates by Sarah
Vowell on the 7th.

Rock Me Sexy Jesus

I wish I could say I liked Hamlet 2 but I didn't. It was a good idea-
Jesus, hamlet and a time machine could be funny. But we've seen the
execution too many time. Steve Coogan was good. The "kids" were good
but ultimately it wasn't clever. There were bits and pieces that were
funnu but most of the time they relied on cheap gags, swearing or
stupid "we're not being racist" racist jokes. And believe me, it's not
like those offend me, but these weren't even witty.

I wish I'd seen Tropic Thunder or Pineapple Express.

Man On Wire

Two weeks ago when I was house sitting I flipped on the TV for
background noise while I was getting ready for work. A few minutes
later it registers in my brain that I'm listening to 911 calls so I
wander in to the bedroom to see what the hell they're showing on tv. I
get in there to see that it's 911 calls from September 11th sync'd
with video of people jumping from the towers. Not what anyone needs to
see while they're getting ready for work. And in my mind, not
something I ever need to watch. But to each his own.

That weekend I decide I really want to see Man on Wire, a documentary
about the guy who tight rope walked between the two towers. It was a
great movie. They filmed themselves a lot during the preparation
stages, and the director used the old footage and mixed it in with
reinactments and interviews with the participants.

The nice part of this movie is that it was just such a joyful event
having to do with the buildings. It was sad to see the beginning
footage of the towers going up, and knowing that they aren't there any
more. Amazing feats of engineering and architecture taken out in a
matter of hours.

Anyway, one of the absolutely refreshing things about this movie is
that they make no mention of what ultimately happened on September
11th. They didn't need to. That's not what the movie was about, and no
one needed the reminder. This is for the people who don't want to
watch video of people jumping from the towers while the 911 calls
play. This is for the people who want to remember something good.

Cartoon books

Pretty much every night before I go to sleep I read a cartoon book (or
as much of one as I get through before I fall asleep.) I've done this
as long as I can remember, and in fact cartoon books are the first
things I remember "reading." Maybe at that age, just 4, I was only
looking at the pictures. Who knows? I had a whole collection of
Peanuts cartoon books that were worn already by the time they got to
me, but I read what I had. As an adult, I have to admit I really don't
like Peanuts cartoons at all.

Once Calvin and Hobbes came out, I had something new and amazing to
read. It opened up a whole world of cartoon books to me. At the
beginning, I didn't get that they were brilliant little cartoons with
a lot more depth than just a precocious kid. But maybe that's why I
still enjoy them as a grown up. (Although as a grown up I also see
Bill Watterson as a preachy snob.)

Fox Trot was in there for a little while, but after a few seasons they
got pretty repetitive. I loved Bloom County even though as a kid i
didnt get any of the political stuff in them. Even now when I go visit
my sister I pull out her Bloom County cartoon books (she reads
cartoons too, it must be a family thing) and fall asleep reading those
there.

More recently there was Pearls Before Swine but like Fox Trot, not
much staying power. Now, I love nothing more than going to the store
and finding a new Dilbert collection. So many of those hit so very
close to home.

At the beginning I had a love/hate relationship with Get Fuzzy. Darby
Conley did enough of a stint in my college town for Athens to consider
him one of our own. (The Fuzzy in the name is a reference to a local
band, the Fuzzy Sprouts.) I loved it because it was a very funny
cartoon. But I hated it because our school newspaper booted Dilbert
to put GF in there.

Get Fuzzy didn't have the staying power I would have liked to have
seen, and yet I buy the book every single time, because there are
always little gems hidden in there they are worth the purchase price.

But of course, the end all, be all of cartoons is The Far Side. If
anyone ever tops The Far Side in brilliance, I think I'd die. I still
remember the first Far Side cartoon I ever read. It was a drawing of
buffalo in a convertable and it said something like "when the buffalo
cruise." I remember not getting it. I'd love to say I was a brilliant
kid and thought it as hillarious, but I didn't get it. (it's also not
like it's one of his best cartoons.)

When I moved out to California, my first big bonus from my company was
large enough that I treated myself to the double box set of Far Side
cartoons. There is only one problem with this set and that is that
they are too heavy to comfortably fall asleep reading.

I look at the cartoons as a way to clear my mind of the day's stress
and fatigue and just focus on something light and funny. So, now I'm
off to read a Karl Pilkington book. Which may not be a cartoon book,
there's enough nonsense for it to be considered one. And he did do
some little illustrations.

Hopeless

Sometime I honestly feel like I can't get anything right.

I'm now waiting in the starbucks parking lot for a tow truck to come
jump start my battery because I was on the phone in the car and not
even thinking about the fact that I was draining the battery. Where
was my head?

And my jumper cables, which my neighbors did return, are sitting on my
stoop at home. So I can't even rely on the kindness of a stranger's
battery to help.

Oh well. There is nothing I can do but wait for roadside assist. They
should be here in an hour.

Cowboy

My friend Joelle and I met an interesting gentleman the other day
named cowboy. He's 66 and has been living in California since he was
18. He's a poet, but other than that I'm not sure what he did to
support himself for real. He's a regular at the dive bar we went to,
and I think he likes meeting the people who wander in there randomly.

Anyway, he started telling the story of how he ended up in California
at 18. The Air Force stationed him here and he called his sister and
said, "if there's a god he made a huge mistake. I was never meant to
be born and raised in Detroit. I was always meant to be in Californ-i-
a."

That's how I feel everytime I dye my hair. I was never meant to have
mouse brown hair. I was always meant to be a redhead. There's a
personality that goes along with being a redhead. I blame it on
childhood exposure to Anne of Green Gables.

Thank goodness for dyes in a box and the fact that the hair color I
love looks natural on me. Later today I'm going to have to return my
hair to it's intended color.

The Core

It's my favorite disaster movie. The first time I saw it it
immediately kicked The Day After Tomorrow out of the top slot. (Side
note- disaster movies are one of my favorite genres.)

Recently I went on a disaster movie kick and watched every single
disaster movie I could think of, and I keep coming back to The Core.
The plus side of this is it's an instant view movie on Netflix, so I
can watch it whenever I want, as often as I want, for free.

Well, I'm in santa monica for the next two weeks, so my computer
access is going to be a little limited, and I'm lying in bed with a
migraine. (first bad one in 3 weeks. I've had little ones, but nothing
real, so that's pretty good.)

Anyway, I'm lying in bed, and all I want to do is watch The Core, but
I can't. So I start flipping through the channels and lo and behold,
it's showing on FX. And I've only missed the first 10 minutes.

I love cable.

LOL

The most recent "Facebook" addition to www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
might be my favorite one ever.

And my next blog will be about why hating the DMV is absolutely
ustifiable.